I caught you a delicious bass...

John Cusack is my hero. Or at least, a lot of the characters he plays are the kinds of people I think should be my hero. Lloyd Dobbler, for example, is one of the best movie characters ever because he was so much like me. I would really like to be like Roy Dillon in the Grifters, and as well like Martin Blank in Gross Pointe Blank, and like Rob Gordon in High Fidelity.

He was also in lots of movies like Eight Men Out and Broadcast News and Tapeheads and Being John Malkovich that were really great. He was in some mediocre movies that became good when he was in them, like Con Air and Runaway Jury. He was in Bullets Over Broadway, where he got to be the Woody Allen part that Woody realized he was just too damn old to play (for once). Lots of old movies - old as in "when I was a kid" - have him, like Sixteen Candles, Grandview USA (C Thomas Howell & Jamie Lee Curtis making out on a demo derby car!), The Sure Thing, and the best teen movie EVER, Better Off Dead.

What can I say - I love his work and his characters. I have, however, always been a bit cautious around the sappier end of the spectrum - like for example I never saw America's Sweethearts. My hatred of Julia Roberts far outweighs my admiration of Mr. Cusack. Here's where it gets interesting. Last Friday we were at the video store looking for something crappy that we could put on and not have to bother paying attention to. We rented "Must Love Dogs" with him and Diane Laine.

This movie was SO bad...it was a huge pile of dogshit! How big was it? It was big it had little turds orbiting around it! Should I have expected something better? Perhaps not. But it takes something extra special to get me to shut off a movie. Usually I will just fall asleep in the middle of it and not bother going back to see what I missed. With this steaming heap I couldn't even bare to waste the electricity that it took to run the computer on which we were viewing it.

What posseses a guy with seemingly impeccable taste to make such a crappy movie? I can't hold it against him because I have been thrilled with almost all of his work - ever - but it really begs the question as to why he would do this.

If I were a famous actor I think I would have 2 bank accounts. Into one I would put all the money from my good films, and used it for regular living expenses. You know, car payments, groceries, smokes, the Visa bill, and so on. Into the other I would put all the money I made from shitty movies like Must Love Dogs (and presumably America's Sweethearts). The money in that account would only be used for special things like home renovations and expensive vacations. That way I could justify my appearances in those substandard pieces of crap with very tangible results ("I had to make out with Horseface Roberts to get this deck built, but the view of the ocean really makes me think it was worth it" "I had to put everything I believe in aside and pretend that a movie about internet dating was a good idea for a couple of months, but the 6 weeks I spent cycling around Cuba sure was worth it.")

I forgot to report on this conversation I heard among two young-ish people at the Folk Festival last weekend. It's not an exact transcription, but it's pretty close. I gave them names for the purposes of the story; it's likely that they may be called something other than what I have christened them.

Clue Less: When are the Weakerthans playing?

Re Tard: They're not playing this year.

CL: What? Why not.

RT: Because they signed with Epitaph.

CL: What? Epitaph?

RT: Yeah, they signed with Epitaph so now they're "too good" to play for Winnipeg.

Note to CL and RT, if you are going to talk shit about someone it's a good idea to make sure ahead of time that you have a slight inkling of just what the fuck you're talking about. To wit:

1. Bands don't "decide" to play festivals, they get invited. Well, maybe Solomon Burke "decides" he'd like to roll his Jabba-the-Hut ass on over to Winnipeg, but most bands are selected by the festival's Artistic Director. This is a minor point and not the focus of my rant here, but an important tone-setter nonetheless.

2. The Weakerthans played the festival for the first time in 2005.

3. The Weakerthans' first Epitaph release, Reconstruction Site, came out in 2003 (Epitaph 86682 if you're really that interested). Do a little math and see if them being on Epitaph has ANYthing to do with their presence at or not at the Winnipeg Folk Festival.

4. The Weakerthans will play the Walker Theatre in Winnipeg on Saturday Sept 16 (although I'll be at the West End Cultural Centre that night watching Mikey Dread).

5. Two Dollars from the sale of every ticket from this concert wil be donated to Resource Assistance for Youth, an outreach organization in Winnipeg that helps street kids.

So to sum up:

You're both fucking idiots. If you want to judge someone's character, do it based on their words and actions. Much like how I'm judging you right now.

How much money have you raised for charity lately?

Clerks 2 is opening soon. At the time it comes out I will be in a place with no movie theatres. Oh well, a reason to come back from vacation I guess. Looking forward to seeing some mountains.

I recently dicovered this blog called Tear It Down. It's pretty funny - give it a read. I really like the piece he did on mullets in Saskatchewan.

Anyway, I think this is going to be a great movie.

I went to the Folk Festival this past weekend - it was good. While I usually dig on the day stages and don't pay so much mind to the evening stuff, this year was different. I liked the evening stuff - sitting in my chair and relaxing, I was even called an "old codger" by one colleague (herself almost 20 years my senior).

Things I liked this year:

- Steve Earle - as feisty as ever. I like how he conitunes to READ NEWSPAPERS and to be aware of the world around him. I also like the "what the fuck is your problem" face he makes whenever someone yells out "Copperhead Road" as they invariably do. I really like seeing him solo, because songs like "My Old Friend The Blues" and "Rich Man's War" sound best that way. "Tanneytown" sounds good however it's played.

- Alejandro Escovedo - he doesn't play castanets, but he works without a net. After a prolonged illness, it's great t see him back despite the fact that he and his band were apparently involved in a car accident somewhere between town and the festival site. Despite that scare, he rocked the town right upside down.

- Neko Case - never sounded better. Her band just gets better and better: the core of Jon Rauhouse and Tom V. ray on steel/banjo and upright bass respectively, plus more recent additions Paul Rigby on guitar and Barry Mirochnik on drums all made a perfect place for Neko and the velvet-voiced Kelly Hogan to belt out everything you want to hear (except my fave, "Thrice All American"). Note to Neko - "The Tigers Have Spoken" is one of the saddest songs ever, and it makes me think about how much I like my dog.

- The Refugee All Stars of Sierra Leone - turning misery into joy. I had read of these guys before seeing them, but knew nothing of their music. More reggae than I expected, but lots of fun.

- Richard Thompson - Vincent Black Lightning 1952. Say no more.

On the day stages, I managed to see some great stuff as well, including one of my favourite bands Son Volt, spoken word artists TOFU, wierdo genius That 1 Guy, bluegrass daredevils Crooked Still, Texan swingers the South Austin Jug Band, and oh my lord, the Grande Mothers - Roy Estrada & Don Preston, original members of the Mothers of Invention, along with later-addition Napoleon Murphy Brock. played nothing but Zappa tunes - including "Let's make the Water Turn Black" from my favourite album, "We're Only IN It For The Money." THAT was a treat.

Once in a while you open a newspaper and something you didn't expect just freaks you out a little bit. This morning I did just that when I saw a picture of my friend Nicole Hoar, and I realized it's been 4 years since she disappeared on what has been dubbed BC's "Highway of Tears" while hitchiking back to her tree-planting job. Most of us have probably heard about the stretch of road in BC where at least 11 women - perhaps many more - have gone missing in the last 30 years.

Nicole and I weren't the BEST of friends, but we were good pals for a couple of summers. We went on a few hiking trips, sang a few karaoke tunes, and even went on one memorable canoe trip where we dumped the boat. We recovered, and quite excitedly got back to camp to tell our colleagues of the adversity we had conquered, only to find out that while we had been bailing our canoe our camp-mates had come face to face with a rather large black bear. Kind of took the wind out of our sails.

So that was the nature of my relationship with Nicole. Buddies for a couple of summers, and then out of touch until she disappeared. Still out of touch I guess. It's weird when you have a personal connection to a major news story. I wish that the one I have was more of a feel-good than a tragedy.

There is more information on this at www.highwayoftears.ca. And of course, any information on my friend Nicole, or any of the other women lost on that road should be directed to the RCMP or Crimestoppers.

See ya, Nic.